Added: Yohance Lavin - Date: 10.05.2022 09:56 - Views: 12575 - Clicks: 1896
One morning last fall, Kyle Benson30, sat in his home office, lost in his work.
It might sound silly, says Benson, a relationship coach in Seattle, Washington, but the argument revealed a lot about their relationship and how they handle conflict. Later that night, Benson and his girlfriend, Heather, used five steps recommended by The Gottman Institute to resolve their conflict.
The first step, according to Benson, is to discuss how each of you felt during the argument. Benson explains that their cat was sick and elderly, and has been a source of stress for his girlfriend. The second step, says Benson, is to listen with intention. During this step, you and your partner will take turns acting as listener and speaker, he says. Speaker: Focus on what you perceived and felt during the argument. Avoid criticizing or blaming the listener.
Listener: Focus on how the speaker experienced the argument, not how you think they should have experienced it.
Really try to understand things from their perspective, and validate it. During this step, while you are taking turns as speaker and listener, each of you should discuss what triggered a strong reaction in you, says Benson. She explained to him that she felt stressed about having to care for both her father and the cat, and that seeing the cat cry was a big trigger for her. During this step, Benson says, you both need to take responsibility for the role you played in the conflict. Benson says he and Heather decided to make time at the end of each day to talk about their feelings.
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