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Think: Blair Waldorf, pretty much all of the first season of the original Gossip Girl. But how do you know if you have a toxic friendship? Sigala explains that denial kicks in when your mind is trying to keep you safe from the disappointment of ending a friendship. That's a lot longer than most of romantic relationships last. But just because they've been there forever doesn't mean that they're good for you. Supporting your bestie is one thing — constantly serving as their therapist is another. And that's a strong of a toxic friendship. Friendships are only happy and healthy if you both feel valued and heard — but some people view friendships as a constant support network for them, without feeling like they should give much back.
Just because you spend a lot of time with them doesn't necessarily mean you're actually close — close friendships are about being yourselves together, rather than just spending a lot of time in the same room.
But when you try to return the favor, they shut down or even get mad. If you find that you're a constant cheerleader for this person without ever being able to voice what you really think about their new roommate, that's not a friendship you want to keep. Close relationships mean giving that tough love — and accepting it when it comes your way.
And friendship is supposed to be about making your life better. If they're always pulling at those strings, it's time to move on. Toxicity is draining. A good indicator of how healthy the friendship is is how it makes you feel. Over time, surrounding yourself with toxic people not only erodes your self-esteem and sense of self; it creates maladaptive patterns and cycles.
Your body might know that your friendship is toxic before your mind does. If you suddenly feel sick when you have upcoming plans with them, it may be your body trying to tell you to avoid all that emotional stress.
Or if your stomach is tied in knots the day after you hang out, you might be physically processing the stress of coping with so much toxicity. That awkward moment when your supposed best friend finds out about your work promotion on Instagram might make them mad. That type of holding back might make you question if your friendship is still worth it. They also hurt your relationship with yourself.
This momentum can make you doubt yourself and lower your standards, Hershenson explains. We engage in denial and go on because it's easier than going through the pain of conflict. Claudia SigalaL. Kimberly HershensonL. Todd Mitchemspeaker and author. Audrey Hoperelationship expert. Stefanie Safranmatchmaker and founder of Stef and the City. Nikki MartinezPsy. Samantha Danielsprofessional matchmaker and founder of The Dating Lounge dating app.
April Masinirelationship expert and author. Clarissa SilvaM. Updated: July 20, Originally Published: Aug. You Are. See All Health Relationships Self.I am looking for my old best friend
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13 s Your Best Friend Is Toxic