Added: Tonie Wilner - Date: 13.03.2022 05:06 - Views: 37447 - Clicks: 8132
The dilemma Last year I found out that my husband of 20 years had been having an affair for a few months. It came as a terrible shock — I cried and cried for weeks. When asked to choose between her and me, he chose her and left me.
I kept on crying. Two months after this revelation, I met someone and fell in love. This was a lifesaving event.
I felt alive and young again. Now, my husband wants me back. He sees me happy and free from him, which of course is more attractive than a lamenting woman. I am torn. He remains my best friend and we have so much in common. How do I find out? Mariella replies So many choices. But such seismic moments also offer the opportunity to reconsider your options. Life is long and love is complicated, so taking an absolute position is unhelpful.
Nevertheless, your letter contains a few jarring notes.
Having embarked on an affair behind your back he now appears to be deceiving his mistress — I doubt she is aware of his desire to be reunited with you. What he has given you is a guilt-free second chance to upgrade or at least diversify in terms of your romantic choices. Sometimes, if a lover betrays us, we know all too well, deep down, how we have been complicit in their actions.
Which position is yours, I wonder? Was this a bolt from the blue in an otherwise happy life, or a near-inevitable progression after a period of unhappiness or stagnation? Being brutally honest with yourself on all fronts is the only way to begin the process of decision-making. Were you blessedly happy or drifting apart?
Rather than merely responding to his behavioural prompts, these are the questions you should be pondering. It could be that you were just lucky and were ready for a change. But this current relationship might be a temporary act of self-medication. The challenges you face if you try to rekindle your marriage are immense as you will struggle not to be suspicious of his every move. But out on your own there are further hurdles, not least that so often we just repeat our old mistakes.
If your husband is serious about wanting to return, then making him wait will only increase that desire. Meanwhile, you need to do some hard thinking about whether someone who has betrayed you and left you bereft has really earned the right to a second chance.
If you have a dilemma, send a brief to mariella. Follow her on Twitter mariellaf1. Dear Mariella Relationships. My husband left me for another woman — but now wants me back. Mariella Frostrup. Sun 9 Feb Topics Relationships Dear Mariella Women features.
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